How do you talk with someone who just lost a loved one?

This one hits home with me as I lost my father on August 21st of this year.

As previously stated, acknowledge it. But also remember that this is still the same person they were before, and that talking about regular things also helps. From my own personal experience, asking how one is doing is not the best thing. The problem is, that this forces your friend to consider your feelings too. Not that this is a bad thing, but I can say that what I wanted to say when asked how I was doing after the first several days was, "Terrible. The worst day of my life. What do you want to talk about?" That would have been wrong, but understand that that may be what one is thinking.

Ultimately though the answer is simple. Be there for that person entirely. Let them know that when you ask if they need anything that you absolutely, without a doubt, mean it. Be there just to talk if they need it. Even if what they need to talk about is tough.

Having been through this myself recently, i would agree with most of the replys...

Make sure to go see the person, they could be feeling like they have a scarlet letter on. They will feel like most are avoiding them (which most are because they don't know what to say)Just be sure to say SOMETHING. The person with the loss will be so greatfull.
If you call, they may not pick up. if you write, they probably won't read it - not now anyway.

If you knew the person who passed, share great memeories with th egrieving party - memories are all they have left.

There are a lot of things that could have happened in the future with the person who passed - weddings, graduations, children, etc. None of those things are real - they are only fantasies that are not healthy.

Ask them how they are coping...what they are feeling, and listen, really listen to them. Ask if there is anything you can help them with.

They ARE NOT the same person they were before. they have had a piece of them removed.

Don't give a timeframe as to when they will get over it. they never will, only the pain will lessen.

I hope this helps...

If you aren't that close to the person and the first time you hear it is from their mouth, then you are in an awkward position. You shouldn't exert youself on them in this case. If you are not emotionally close to the person then acknowlegment of their loss should take material form. Take some work off their plate, buy them a coffee etc.

I can't stress this last part enough. DON'T FAIN EMOTION. Be sober in your composition and don't speak more than you should.

Never say "I know what you're going through", ever.

There's not a whole lot you can do.

Short and sweet:
I'm sorry for your loss. Let me know if there's anything I can do.

That's all that's needed.

Honestly, and speaking from experience, the grieving process is an intimate and personal one. The best part about having people around you during tough times is that they show you that there is continuity in life and that, i hate to say it but, life goes on.

Try to be natural, acknowledge their loss but dont dwell on it. Try to talk to them about every day things to help get their mind off of things...

good luck

It sort of depends on who it is. If it's a close friend or relative sometimes not talking is the best thing...just be there for them. And remember to stick around after all the funeral hubub. My father in law died and people bum-rushed my wife for a week and then just stopped calling and coming to the house very abruptly.
Don't try to distract them from reality. Let them decide when they want a distraction (going to a bar, watching a movie, etc.). Just remember you are there for them and what you say is not nearly as important as just being there.