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Hennessey VelociRaptor APV

Looking to hire your own personal army, or just big enough of a dick that you fear an assassination attempt? Ride in safety and style in the Hennessey VelociRaptor APV ($TBA). Based on the Ford Raptor Super Crew and able to withstand small arms fire, this Armored Performance Vehicle can also get you out of harm's way — and fast — thanks to a supercharged 6.2L V8 pumping out 575 hp. Other optional features include seating for up to eight, satellite TV, high-speed internet, and the ability to be mistaken for a senator, president, drug lord, or some other person of great importance/power/wealth/mulletude.

  • AEV J8 MILSPEC Jeep

    We're not sure exactly why the average off-roader would need a military-spec vehicle, but if you crave the toughest 4x4 around, consider the AEV J8 MILSPEC Jeep (approx. $50,000). Available in four-door or Scrambler-esque two door models, powered by either a 2.8L TurboDiesel or 5.7L HEMI V-8 — installed by a local dealer — and tons of upgrades like a reinforced body and frame, Dana front and rear axles, Dodge Ram brakes, black steel wheels, and a hood-mounted snorkel hooked to a hard core air filter capable of running five hours in a dust storm. Available in all of two colors, are we're guessing you probably tan already know green what they are.

  • 2011 Ford Explorer

    One might question the sanity of buying a full-size SUV in an age of crossovers and ever-higher gas prices, but for those that really need the... utility, the 2011 Ford Explorer ($28,200 and up) looks mighty nice. Powered by either a 2.0-liter EcoBoost I-4 engine good for 237hp or a 3.5-liter Ti-VCT V6 engine with 290hp, the new Explorer offers impressive fuel economy, as well as a six-speed automatic transmissions, intelligent four-wheel drive electric power-assisted steering, the MyFord Touch and SYNC systems, and a new weight saving design. Not included is a shield to deflect all the eco-hate being thrown your way for driving around in such a conspicuously large vehicle.

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