Become your own eccentric chocolatier with this Chocolate Fountain ($160) from Firebox. The stainless steel structure heats and flows liquid chocolate so you can dip, um, stuff in it all day long. While nowhere near as expensive as some of the other stuff we've shown you on Uncrate, this thing may take the cake when it comes to the most superfluous. But at least you can finally set free those Oompa Loompas you've had in the basement since '71.
Ever wish your summer cook-out burgers could come out looking perfect like in those beer commercials where everyone is chilling by the grill? Now you can with this Nonstick Burger Press from Williams-Sonoma ($24). This puppy can smash down two perfect patties at a time, and features a rosewood handle and a, um... nonstick surface.