Sir Richard's Condoms

We're all for socially conscious companies, and we're also all for getting laid. Sir Richard's Condoms ($13) manage to combine these two things by promising to donate a condom to a country in need for every one you buy. Available in ultra thin, ribbed, pleasure dots, and extra large varieties, they also feature the nicest wrapper design you'll ever spend three seconds not looking at.

Bacon Toothpaste

Yup, you read that right. Bacon Toothpaste ($5) is a teeth-cleaning paste flavored like a delicious piece of fried bacon. It's probably not FDA-approved, and we have serious doubts that it'll leave you with fresh breath, but if you're considering using this, you probably don't care.

Livestrong Limited Edition Indoor Cycle

Have you been biking your way to a better body aboard a sad, lightweight little exercise bike? Step up to the Livestrong Limited Edition Indoor Cycle ($1,700). Limited to just 500 units, this premium bike features obvious black and yellow Livestrong branding, a 3" x 2" wireless display with heart rate, time, distance, calorie, and RPM readouts, a multi-ribbon drive belt system, road-inspired handlebars, a heavy-duty steel frame, and a 40 pound, Lance-approved flywheel. Oh, did we mention $1,000 of the purchase price goes to the Livestrong Foundation? 'Tis the season for write-offs.

Trigger Point Foam Roller

Give the gift of a world class massage this holiday with the Trigger Point Foam Roller ($40). Measuring only 13 inches long and five in diameter, this roller is highly portable, and features "Distrodensity Foam Zones" to help you apply varying amounts of pressure, in the hopes of relaxing and releasing tight muscles.

Behold the awesome old school goodness of these vintage-printed, buttery-soft Homage T-Shirts. They turn back the clock with shout outs to eclectic moments and personalities in sports, music, politics and popular culture. From Bruce Lee to Larry Bird, the tees tell stories of triumph, individualism and hustle. Pay Homage.

Technogym Run Personal Treadmill

Finally, a piece of gym equipment you won't need to hide in the basement. The Technogym Run Personal Treadmill ($10,000) may be expensive, but it looks the part, too, with a sleek, modern design by Antonio Citterio and Toan Nguyen, and a number of high-tech features like iPod and iPhone integration with Nike+ support, a 19-inch touchscreen display with an IPTV interface, heart rate monitoring, a joystick control for speed and incline, a software-based training guide, and interactive games to keep your mind off the fact that you've been running in place for the past 20 minutes.

Mobilegs

We're not 100% sure when the crutch was first designed, but we are sure that it's been overdue for an overhaul for quite some time. Mobilegs ($60) are a replacement for the traditional crutch, offering soft underarm saddles, a curved leg, adjustability from 4' 9" to 6' 4", the ability to handle humans up to 300 lbs., soft handgrips with natural wrist angle, and a high-traction rocker foot. Of course, it's best to try and stay off crutches as much as possible, but as we all know, shit happens.

Tanita BC-350 Ironman Body Composition Monitor

As if you didn't already have enough feedback from your scale following your 6-month bacon excursion, along comes the Tanita BC-350 Ironman Body Composition Monitor ($270). Yes, that's right: for under three Benjamins you can be gawking at the percentage of body fat, body water, muscle mass, bone mass, and other clinical-sounding measurements, all made by this scale. [Thanks, Ed]

Torque Fitness F7 Fold Away Strength Trainer

One of the biggest problems with most exercise equipment is the sheer space it takes up. At just 40 inches by 40 inches when closed, the Torque Fitness F7 Fold Away Strength Trainer ($TBA) does away with this requirement while still offering a full-featured spec list. It offers two independent weight stack systems, that tie into fully adjustable swivel pulleys with 30 adjustment holes, and a removable, fully adjustable flat-to-incline bench, that allows you to do standing exercises as well as more strenuous exercise ball-based movements — all of which lets you get in better shape without the need for an airplane hanger in your yard.

Stainless Steel Condom Dispenser

Keep your prophylactics within arm's reach without looking like a sex addict with the Stainless Steel Condom Dispenser ($42). An extended slot on top allows for easy access — leaving one hand free for... whatever — and lets you see what you're grabbing, so if you loaded up a variety pack, you'll know whether you're getting a french tickler or a glow-in-the-dark, strawberry-flavored sheath. [Thanks, Benjamin]

Jack Black Mr. Fix It Antimicrobial Wound Rescue

Avoid infection, disease, and nasty-ass boils with Jack Black Mr. Fix It Antimicrobial Wound Rescue ($20). This petrolatum-free antimicrobial gel employs the benefits of silver to quickly absorb into and help heal scrapes, cuts, and burns, and halt the growth of MRSA, E coli, staphylococcus, and other nasty germs and bacteria.

Radius First Aid Box

Sporting a lust-worthy design, the Radius First Aid Box (€50-€90; roughly $70-$125) gives you an excuse to keep your emergency medical supplies within easy reach. Made from stainless steel and nylon fabric, the Radius is available in "Home" and "Professional" styles, the former meeting the din 13164 standard for private use, with the latter meeting the more robust din 13157 standard, good for up to 25 people.

One-A-Day VitaCraves

Not everyone likes taking their vitamins, but nearly everyone likes gummy candy — which is why One-A-Day combined the two in their new VitaCraves Adult Multivitamins ($9). Available in fruit and sour fruit flavors, these tasty supplements contain high levels of 11 key vitamins and minerals, including Vitamins A, C, and E for a strong immune system, B6, B12 and Pantothenic Acid for metabolism and energy, Folic Acid for heart health, and more.