OpenX Precision Wrapping Paper Slitter

Men are notoriously bad at wrapping gifts. Evolve this year with the OpenX Precision Wrapping Paper Slitter ($6). This handy dandy tool, with its scissor-beating gliding action, makes you look so good that you'll get accusations of taking advantage of the donation-only Girl Scout wrapping kiosk at the mall.

2008 MoMA Holiday Card Collection

Get a jump-start on your holiday checklist and do it in style with the 2008 MoMA Holiday Card Collection ($17-$21). Available in a variety of museum-quality designs, these cards run the gamut from the classy and subdued to 3D pop-up masterpieces. Hey, if you're cutting back on the gifts, you might as well splurge on the cards.

Corpses

What's a family gathering Halloween without a few corpses lying around? Corpses For Sale ($545-$595) are incredibly detailed faux dead bodies, available in both male and female versions, with either light or heavy(!) decay. Nasty skin, strangely intact hair, sunken eyes, destroyed teeth — you name it, these corpses have it, along with the ability to scare the bejeezus out of anyone who comes near.

Master Chief Collector’s Costume

Need a Halloween costume to end all others for this year's office costume contest? No worries, just don this Master Chief Collector’s Costume ($630). Officially licensed, the outfit includes a quilted jumpsuit with EVA armor, a two-piece helmet, gauntlets, and boot tops. All you need now is your weapon of choice — might we suggest the Energy Sword? [Thanks, Jedia]

Behold the awesome old school goodness of these vintage-printed, buttery-soft Homage T-Shirts. They turn back the clock with shout outs to eclectic moments and personalities in sports, music, politics and popular culture. From Bruce Lee to Larry Bird, the tees tell stories of triumph, individualism and hustle. Pay Homage.

Halloween Contacts and Special Effects Lenses

Take your Halloween costume to the next level with Halloween Contacts and Special Effects Lenses ($70-$260/pair). Available in over 130 styles, most also available with prescription, these eyeball enhancements will leave your eyes looking as creepy as the rest of you. [Thanks, Chelsea]

Boxwood Gift Boxes

If you're like most men, efforts to properly gift wrap presents have ended in total failure. Maybe you've got a girlfriend on the side to wrap things for you, or maybe you've resorted to those lame balloon wrappers, but either way, you're not self-reliant. Boxwood Gift Boxes ($52) offer a simple yet elegant way to circumvent your wrapping retardation. Made from MDF and laminated in ebony and walnut finishes, this set of three gift boxes is a staple for any man with a social life.

National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation Gear

Hold your own unholy family holiday this year with some National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation gear. First up, for the true Clark fan, is the authentic Griswold Chicago Blackhawks Jersey ($170). While sporting the big double zero, don't forget to share some eggnog with your own Cousin Eddie in a couple Moose Mugs ($33 each). If the entire family will be around — Oh, the silent majesty of a winter's morn, the clean cool chill of the holiday air, and an asshole in his bathrobe emptying a chemical toilet into your sewer — you might as well go for the Griswold Family Christmas Party ($260), which includes 12 Moose Mugs and a Jelly of the Month set, signed by Frank Shirley, of course. National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation can now be had on DVD ($10), HD DVD ($20) and Blu-ray Disc ($20).

Redbean Design Holiday Cards

Get a jump start on spreading your holiday cheer with these 2007 Holiday Cards from Redbean Design ($18/box of 12). Featuring one of nine terrific modern designs, the 5.25-inch square cards are printed with environmentally responsible inks on premium matte coated cardstock, trimmed with rounded corners and offer full ink coverage on the outer side. If you're really digging the designs, they're also available as Gift Tags ($4/set of 12).

Hammerpress Shit! Cards

Somehow, those belated birthday cards you can find at your local Hallmark never really say exactly what you're thinking. Hammerpress Shit! Cards ($12/5 pack), on the other hand, make it perfectly clear what you mean to say, in detailed, hand-letterpressed text. The package also includes five orange envelopes to conceal your sentiment from prying eyes. [Thanks, Ben]

Bald Guy Greeting Cards

If you're trying not to go the sappy route, it can be pretty hard to find a decent greeting card. Unless, that is, you're shopping for a Bald Guy Greeting Card ($3 each). These delightfully dirty cards feature off-the-wall sketches on the front, with a normal greeting — only to carry a darkly hilarious message inside. For instance, the "Be My Valentine" card shown above carries inside it this heartwarming message: "And by 'Be My Valentine,' I mean let's have sex on Valentine's Day." [Thanks, Tim]

The Office Valentine's Cards

Show your love for The Office at your own office with this great Valentine's set ($10) with eight cards featuring Jim, Pam, Dwight, and Michael. While awesome, they unfortunately don't feature Dwight's best love advice: "Women are like wolves. If you want a wolf, you have to trap it. You have to snare it. And then you have to tame it. Keep it happy. Care for it. Feed it. Lovingly, the way an animal deserves to be loved. And my animal deserves a lot of loving." [via]

Imperial AT-AT and Rebel Snowspeeder Ornament

On yesterday's trip into Hallmark for this year's additions to the Uncrate Pop Culture Holiday Tree, we stumbled upon this Imperial AT-AT And Rebel Snowspeeder Ornament ($28). It recreates one of the most popular scenes from The Empire Strikes Back with great detail, including a button that plays battle sounds from the movie. While you're in the Star Wars/Holiday mood, you might also want to check out the Yoda Nutcracker.