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Duke Cannon Big Ass Soap Brick

Duke Cannon Big Ass Soap Brick

Yes, it's a ridiculous name, but in this modern age of supposedly chick-attracting body wash, a slap in face with a Big Ass Brick is just what some guys need. Based on the rough, "brick"-style of soap used by GIs during the Korean War, and manufactured in the same plant that provided that soap for over 20 years, the Duke Cannon Big Ass Soap Brick ($5) is three times the size of most soap, with steel cut grain for gripability, and a cool army green color.

  • Nivea Eye Roller Gel

    Whether you're working or boozing late into the night, odds are you're going to wake up looking like Uncle Fester — at least around the eyes (the bald head is reserved for those with really dick friends). Nivea Eye Roller Gel ($9) is here to help you combat this condition. Harnessing the benefits of your skin's own Coenzyme Q10, which helps produce energy and works as an antioxidant to defend against free radicals, this gel glides on smoothly thanks to a rolling metal ball applicator, leaving you looking as fresh as those pantywaists that went to bed before last call.

  • Old Spice Fresh Collection

    The new Old Spice Fresh Collection ($5) at first seems a bit odd (who really wants to smell like "well-known lands" from across the globe?), but these subtle-scented antiperspirant/deodorants are indeed worthy of their worldliness. The destination-inspired, light-yet-manly scents include (in our rank of freshershist to fresh): Matterhorn ("smells like ice, wind & freedom"), Denali ("smells like wilderness, open air & freedom"), Cyprus ("smells like limes, an ocean breeze & freedom"), and Fiji ("smells like palm trees, sunshine & freedom"). Do your armpits a favor and introduce them to the world.