Heinz's Talking Labels service ($6) lets you quickly make a custom label for a Heinz ketchup bottle. The possibilities are endless (as long as you abide by the company's terms). For instance, you could mock people who struggle to get ketchup out of a glass bottle by getting something clever like, "Don't you hate how I could be a plastic bottle?" Or you could always go with the ever-classy "WTF?", the disturbing "Lube" or the eyebrow-raising "Not blood".