Whether it's a hurricane, blizzard, or zombie uprising that's left you shut in, you can still get your daily dose of pork with Tactical Canned Bacon ($16). Each can holds about 50 slices of tasty pre-cooked bacon, and has a shelf life of more than ten years, or way longer than you'll be able to hold off on eating it.
Need a boost in your libido, or just want to freshen your breath before getting fresh? Try Sexlets Gum ($12). This chewy male supplement is packed with ingredients like yohimbe bark, orchic powder, royal jelly, damiana leaves, vitamin E, and more, all of which should leave you ready to go harder, better, longer, and stronger than usual.
Land-locked but missing that fresh taste of the ocean that only comes with fresh oysters? Satisfy your craving with Island Creek Oysters ($18-$100). Available by the dozen, by the hundred, or in a gift pack containing three dozen oysters, a knife, gloves, and hat, Island Creek gets the goods out to you in 24 hours, with a guarantee of freshness that comes from inspecting each oyster 15 times over the course of its life to make sure you get only the freshest, most delectable shellfish around.