Forget the traditional sappy greeting card — say what you really want to say with The F*cking Card Collection ($25/10 cards). Featuring such heartwarming messages as Happy F*cking Birthday, Happy F*cking Holidays, Thanks A F*cking Bunch, and Congratuf*ckinglations, the recipient is sure to like them — a whole f*cking lot.
You know you're dealing with a dangerous toy when you see the words, "world's most powerful handheld laser." The Spyder II GX Laser ($1,700) is a military-grade handheld laser that's sort of a like a laser pointer, only much, much awesomer. Sporting a lightweight 6061-T6 aerospace aluminum shell and powered by a single 18650 high capacity lithium battery, the Spyder is airtight and water resistant, and is the first portable laser equipped with thermoelectric cooling, letting you use the thing for more than two minutes without it getting hand-burning hot. So what's it good for? If you have to ask, then you shouldn't be buying it, kid. As you'll see in our first-ever Uncrate video, this thing was designed for those of us who aspire to wreak havoc on the world.
Clean your car, stairs, and other hard-to-reach areas with the Eureka 71B Handheld Vacuum ($48). This 5.5 amp mini-vac features two motors — one for suction, one for the revolving brush — an onboard extending hose with crevice tool, a 20-foot cord which wraps for storage, and a Riser Visor cover that stays down for normal cleaning but flips up for vertical surfaces like stair fronts. It's the perfect complement to your full-size vacuum.