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Weber Ranch Kettle

That's right. Ranch. As in big steers, big sky, and big spaces. Or big-ass grills, like the Weber Ranch Kettle ($1,100). Featuring a heavy-duty steel cart, all-weather wheels, locking casters, and a porcelain-enameled bowl and lid, this oversized kettle boasts a whopping 1,104 square inches of cooking area, enough to handle multiple turkeys, chickens, or more burgers than you and your entire fantasy league can eat, with room left over to cook up some tofu patties for your more sensitive pals.

  • Kalamazoo Outdoor Pizza Oven

    Pimp your poolside hangout with a Kalamazoo Outdoor Pizza Oven ($4,800-$6,500). Made from stainless steel for outdoor endurance but built with an old-world mentality with an arched roof, professional composite baking stone, up to two gas burners, an integrated wood tray for authentic taste, a digital thermometer, and the joy that comes from knowning your pizza oven is worth approximately 5,000 Totinos Party Pizzas.

  • Bradley Propane Smoker

    Some foods are best prepared smoked, but most of the time smokers aren't the easiest things to move around. Not so with the Bradley Propane Smoker ($100). Powered by propane and four AA batteries, this portable powerhouse burns Bradley Flavor Bisquettes, letting you create tasty smoked treats anywhere you like. The only downside? You'll probably want to stay close by when cooking, lest it be mistaken for a rogue weather station or mobile meth lab. In other words: it's not so pretty.