Well, at least it's not trying to hide its possible side effects (we're looking at you, Chipotle hot sauce). Colon Cleaner Hot Sauce ($14) is a devastating blend of mustard, scotch bonnet peppers, salt, onions, water, vinegar, sugar, and some other goods that's ready to add a healthy blast of heat to pretty much anything you put it on. Just use it wisely — and by wisely, we mean don't load up on it at breakfast before heading out to a festival where your only chance of relief lies in the line for the porta potty.
There's nothing better for bacon lovers than super-fresh bacon, and there's no better way to get it than by making it yourself. The Baconkit ($17) includes everything you need to make 5 lbs. of homemade bacon — save for the pork belly, which you can find at most supermarkets and butchers. Once you've got your meat, simply follow along with the instructions — after a week of curing, you can prepare it in the oven, or in a smoker for a more intense flavor — then cut it into strips, cook it, and eat it! It's that easy — just try not to eat all five pounds at once, or you may find yourself visiting the pig you just ate in very short order.
Tired of scouring through recipe sites trying to pick out a dinner, then trudging to the store only to find they're out of one key ingredient? Give Blue Apron ($10/meal) a try. This handy service ships you the raw ingredients for three delicious meals each week; each meal is perfectly portioned, weighs in a 500-700 calories, and takes roughly 35 minutes to prepare. There are options available for both carnivores and vegetarians, so no matter what your lifestyle, there's an option to match.
Yes, it's still syrup — but that doesn't mean you should slather it on your pancakes and waffles. Instead, Smoked Maple Syrup ($12) is best saved for savory endeavors. This unique product is made by bubbling low-temperature smoke through a vat of pure Vermont maple syrup for approximately 24 hours, then refiltering the syrup to ensure a smooth consistency. The resulting mixture is strong, sweet, and smoky, and can add extra layers of flavor to your glazes, marinades, sauces, soups, and stews. [via]
If you're the type of person that starts your day off with eggs and Tobasco, why don't you give yourself an extra boost and replace the latter with DoubleKick Caffeinated Hot Sauce ($10). This flavorful condiment combines Asian and Southwestern chili sauces for a flavor all its own while packing the one-two punch of ginger and caffeine to get you going. With a rich taste that's both savory and sweet, it tastes great on nearly everything — and for added bonus points, put a spoonful or two into your next Bloody Mary and enjoy the results.
Whether you're fearing an end-of-the-world food crisis or just want to get a head start on next year's garden, the Survival Seed Vault ($40) has you covered. This hermetically-sealed waterproof container holds resealable packets of seeds for a variety of heirloom vegetables, including peppers, carrots, broccoli, tomato, peas, cucumber, onion, and zucchini. And not to worry if you've never planted a garden before — detailed planting, harvesting, and seed-saving instructions are included.
Add the lovely flavor of bacon to your next meal with Empire Bacon Mayonnaise ($9). Arriving in a 4 oz. jar, this specialty condiment is made from canola oil, pasteurized egg yolks, vinegar, salt, and bacon that was chosen to provide just the right amount of sweetness, smokiness, and rich flavor. The company suggests using it as sort of a bacon replacement, but if you ask us, it probably wouldn't hurt to go ahead and use it alongside the real thing.
Anyone who's ever had some hot Thai peanut sauce knows that the chilis and peanuts can live happily together — as they do in Instant Regret Peanut Butter ($12). This surprisingly spicy spread is made with King Naga chilis, peanuts, oil, and a little Habanero chili extract. How hot is it? Well, it measures 12 million SHU on the Scoville Scale, or way hotter than the ghost chili, and approaching pure capsaicin — which is pretty much the hottest thing on Earth.
You want to talk about Super Smores? Best be making them with some of these Wondermade Bourbon Marshmallows ($8). Soaked in Maker's Mark, these boozy sweets are sure to add a spark of unexpected flavor to whatever treat you put them in. Perfect for
fooling unsuspecting in-laws over the holidays. If the hard liquor isn't your thing, they also offer Guinness, apple cinnamon, cranberry, pear, and pumpkin pie flavors.
Who needs coffee with their pancakes when you can get a jolt of caffeine from the pancakes themselves? Wired Wyatt's Caffeinated Maple Syrup ($13) makes that dream possible. Packing as much caffeine as an energy drink in every tablespoon-sized serving, it's also all-natural, good for use on waffles, pancakes, and other breakfasty foods, and we hear it tastes pretty good, too.
Perhaps it's not all that surprising that candy isn't exactly the healthiest thing for us, but what is surprising is just how much garbage goes into our favorite sweet treats. Unreal Candy ($1) aims to replace our beloved M&M's, Milky Ways, Snickers', and even Reese's Cups with more healthful, natural, and sustainably produced alternatives that lack the nasty corn syrup, partially hydrogenated oils, GMOs, and artificial colors, flavors, and preservatives of their brand-name counterparts while reducing the sugar content by an average of over 40%. Arriving in a store near you just in time for Halloween.
Oh hell yes. From the diabolical mind of The Oatmeal and the bacon-scented labs of J&D's comes the perfect snack for Rooster-fixated fans everywhere. Sriracha Popcorn ($6) is inspired by the legendary sauce, containing bold flavors of red chilies, garlic, sugar, and just a bit of vinegar. Order a bunch — one bag won't last you long.