Yes, it's a ridiculous name, but in this modern age of supposedly chick-attracting body wash, a slap in face with a Big Ass Brick is just what some guys need. Based on the rough, "brick"-style of soap used by GIs during the Korean War, and manufactured in the same plant that provided that soap for over 20 years, the Duke Cannon Big Ass Soap Brick ($5) is three times the size of most soap, with steel cut grain for gripability, and a cool army green color.
Typically we use soap to try and remove the scent of booze from our person, but Allsorts Liquor Scented Soap ($5) embraces it by covering you in a booze-scented lather that'll have you yearning for a drink before you even step out of the shower. Both organic and vegan-friendly, these responsibly-produced bars come in scents like gin and tonic, whiskey sour, screwdriver, and prohibition spiced rum, and feature an adventure suggestion from Chicago's prohibition era printed on the wrapper.
Get yourself clean Tyler Durden-style with Fight Club Soap ($20). Inspired by Chuck Palahniuk's novel and sporting the logo of the film adaptation, this caffeinated, color-matched pink soap is completely usable, although that kind of defeats the point.
Whether you're working or boozing late into the night, odds are you're going to wake up looking like Uncle Fester — at least around the eyes (the bald head is reserved for those with really dick friends). Nivea Eye Roller Gel ($9) is here to help you combat this condition. Harnessing the benefits of your skin's own Coenzyme Q10, which helps produce energy and works as an antioxidant to defend against free radicals, this gel glides on smoothly thanks to a rolling metal ball applicator, leaving you looking as fresh as those pantywaists that went to bed before last call.