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Ink Butter

You paid plenty to get your ink done in a reputable shop, so why aren't you spending a minimal amount to make sure it stays in tip-top shape? Ink Butter ($18) is specially formulated to heal your tattoo and nourish your skin, with essential minerals, vitamins and antioxidants. Unless, of course, you were going for the aging sailor look.

  • Fight Club Soap

    Get yourself clean Tyler Durden-style with Fight Club Soap ($20). Inspired by Chuck Palahniuk's novel and sporting the logo of the film adaptation, this caffeinated, color-matched pink soap is completely usable, although that kind of defeats the point.

  • Nivea Eye Roller Gel

    Whether you're working or boozing late into the night, odds are you're going to wake up looking like Uncle Fester — at least around the eyes (the bald head is reserved for those with really dick friends). Nivea Eye Roller Gel ($9) is here to help you combat this condition. Harnessing the benefits of your skin's own Coenzyme Q10, which helps produce energy and works as an antioxidant to defend against free radicals, this gel glides on smoothly thanks to a rolling metal ball applicator, leaving you looking as fresh as those pantywaists that went to bed before last call.