Brass knuckles meet pet care in the Tactical Dog Leash ($25). This industrial-strength leash features an ergonomically designed, knuckle-held polymer handle and a tough 1" x 48" nylon lead with quick release clips on both ends. We're not really sure what's tactical about taking your pooch out to potty — unless you're planning on leaving a surprise in the yard of a jerk neighbor — but we are sure that your dog will have a much more difficult time getting away with your hand wrapped around this thing.
It's nearly universal: if you own a dog in an urban area, odds are you walk it using some sort of retractable leash, and need to scoop up its droppings after it's done doing its business. The Ruff Bowl ($8) is designed for exactly these situations. It clips easily onto most retractable leashes, holds used poop bags away from your hand, and can hold up to 4.5 oz. of water when it's time for Fido to take a drink.
Does your dog have a habit of roaming the woods, streets, or backyard at night? Keep a watchful eye on them with Glowdoggie LED Dog Collars ($50-$65). These completely waterproof collars use Superflux-LEDs — with 17-year LED life — to make themselves visible at a distance, keeping your pooch visible to both you and any oncoming traffic. [Scouted by Bryan]
Is Fido's crappy nylon harness causing your dog park game to falter? Upgrade to the Chico & Dog Vest ($80). Made form imported South American leather and finished with high-strength, powder-coated hardware, the Doggy Vest conforms to your pet's shape, keeping him comfortable while enhancing his look for the ladies. Bonus for the Uncrate Orange color way.
Let's be honest: your fish probably doesn't care what his surroundings look like, just so long as his water is clean and he's well fed. But you have to look at his bowl/tank every day, so you might as well make it stylish. The Umbra Fish Hotel ($35) certainly qualifies, featuring the clean, boxy lines of a modern home, a glass bowl, an ABS pastic facade, and a stackable design that lets you build an entire condo full of fishy friends.
Keep tabs on your pooch, kitty, or pet wildebeest with the Tagg Pet Tracker ($200). Using a sophisticated cocktail of GPS and wireless technology, the Tagg monitors your pet's location, alerting you via email and/or text if it leaves its "Tagg zone" — the area it spends most of its time, which is likely your home, unless you have your wildebeest guarding your secret, deep-woods grow operation — and runs on Verizon's data network, so you can rest assured you won't lose your pet due to a lack of coverage.
When your lovable turd factory needs to go out, sometimes it's a dire situation in which every second counts. And if your leash never seems to be where you left it, the Super Collar ($50) will be your new best friend. This collar-and-leash hybrid has a retractable 36-inch leash built right in that's made up of two coated steel cables with over 100lbs of break strength each. It's got waterproof polypro webbing and 3M Scotchlite reflective accents for those nighttime sessions.
Give your aquatic friend a living space upgrade with the Fishscape Fish Bowl ($140). Designed to hold 2.5 gallons of water, this handmade glass bowl features a unique bottom texture that appears as a mountainous landscape from the side. Sure, your fish might not notice the difference, but you will — and isn't that the point anyway?
Desktop-sized fish tanks are pretty common. Desktop-sized jellyfish tanks are not. This Jellyfish Tank ($350) was developed from the ground up specifically for Medusozoa by the experts at Jellyfish Art, and features full-spectrum energy efficient LEDs for illumination, an air diffuser for maximum oxygenation, built-in biological, chemical, and mechanical filtration, a bubble channel to shield the jellyfish from the air, and an included voucher good for three of the little menaces as well as a pack of food. [Scouted by Justin]
Is Rover's aging pad dragging down your carefully planned decor? Replace it with the Bambu Pet Hammock ($125). Made from sustainable exotic strand bamboo, it features a clean, modern, X-shaped design, along with a washable, reversible ultra-suede cushion that's secured to the base with stainless steel anchors and carabiners, giving it a sling-like feel that's great for your buddy's joints. If you've also got a food and water bowl setup that could use some sprucing up, spring for the matching diner ($65), made from the same material and featuring two high-grade stainless steel bowls.
Give your fishy friends something to do other than just glub around with the Labyrinth Aquarium ($5,500-$6,500). Made from Lucite, this six-globe aquarium is designed for tropical fish, and includes silk plants, three lights, filters, air pumps, and cleaning equipment, as well as an optional dedicated table in cherry, black, or carbon fiber. Just think of it as a BiOrb on steroids.
Nothing says "disgrace" quite like bending over to get a nice big handful of your dog's excrement. Avoid this unfortunate scene with the Pooch Power Shovel ($100). Sporting a powerful, built-in electric vacuum, it sucks the nastiness up into a biodegradable three pound bag, making it capable of handling anything from a teacup Chihuahua to an English Mastiff.