Hennessey VelociRaptor APV

Looking to hire your own personal army, or just big enough of a dick that you fear an assassination attempt? Ride in safety and style in the Hennessey VelociRaptor APV ($TBA). Based on the Ford Raptor Super Crew and able to withstand small arms fire, this Armored Performance Vehicle can also get you out of harm's way — and fast — thanks to a supercharged 6.2L V8 pumping out 575 hp. Other optional features include seating for up to eight, satellite TV, high-speed internet, and the ability to be mistaken for a senator, president, drug lord, or some other person of great importance/power/wealth/mulletude.

  • 2011 Ford Explorer

    One might question the sanity of buying a full-size SUV in an age of crossovers and ever-higher gas prices, but for those that really need the... utility, the 2011 Ford Explorer ($28,200 and up) looks mighty nice. Powered by either a 2.0-liter EcoBoost I-4 engine good for 237hp or a 3.5-liter Ti-VCT V6 engine with 290hp, the new Explorer offers impressive fuel economy, as well as a six-speed automatic transmissions, intelligent four-wheel drive electric power-assisted steering, the MyFord Touch and SYNC systems, and a new weight saving design. Not included is a shield to deflect all the eco-hate being thrown your way for driving around in such a conspicuously large vehicle.

  • Mercedes-Benz G-Wagon LAPV 6.X

    Based on the company's rugged G-Class SUV, the Mercedes-Benz G-Wagon LAPV 6.X ($TBA) is an armored patrol vehicle as fit for the battlefield as it is for the forest. Features include a diesel engine, a payload capacity of 1.3 tons, a full steel body, a mine deflector plate, an individual tire inflation system, and a number of advanced tactical military technologies from EADS. Let's just hope its defenses are more hearty than those of its homeland's national team.

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