Well, at least it's not trying to hide its possible side effects (we're looking at you, Chipotle hot sauce). Colon Cleaner Hot Sauce ($14) is a devastating blend of mustard, scotch bonnet peppers, salt, onions, water, vinegar, sugar, and some other goods that's ready to add a healthy blast of heat to pretty much anything you put it on. Just use it wisely — and by wisely, we mean don't load up on it at breakfast before heading out to a festival where your only chance of relief lies in the line for the porta potty.
There's nothing better for bacon lovers than super-fresh bacon, and there's no better way to get it than by making it yourself. The Baconkit ($17) includes everything you need to make 5 lbs. of homemade bacon — save for the pork belly, which you can find at most supermarkets and butchers. Once you've got your meat, simply follow along with the instructions — after a week of curing, you can prepare it in the oven, or in a smoker for a more intense flavor — then cut it into strips, cook it, and eat it! It's that easy — just try not to eat all five pounds at once, or you may find yourself visiting the pig you just ate in very short order.
Tired of scouring through recipe sites trying to pick out a dinner, then trudging to the store only to find they're out of one key ingredient? Give Blue Apron ($10/meal) a try. This handy service ships you the raw ingredients for three delicious meals each week; each meal is perfectly portioned, weighs in a 500-700 calories, and takes roughly 35 minutes to prepare. There are options available for both carnivores and vegetarians, so no matter what your lifestyle, there's an option to match.