Norman Tugwater, Fantasy Sports Attorney
At your draft this year, keep an eye out for Norman Tugwater (Gary Busey), the fantasy sports lawyer of Adrian Peterson. YOU MUST PAY! (Or face the spork.)
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Mentos Spider
The Brock Lesnar of Arachnids sends one brave gentleman to the ER.
Dickies 874 Work Pant
While you're sitting at your desk watching Invisible Monkeys, just remember that there are hardworking men out there, also wasting company time, trying to destroy a pair of khakis with a wrecking ball. Watch them all here.
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CBDfx Focus & Energy Gummies
Give your mind a clean edge with CBDfx Focus & Energy Gummies, smartly formulated to ditch the jitters without compromising drive. Each two-gummy serving delivers 50 mg of broad-spectrum CBD for calm, 50 mg of phosphatidylserine for cognitive clarity, and 50 mg of caffeine — about the kick of a shot of espresso—in a naturally flavored blue-raspberry vegan gummy. Organic, non-GMO, THC-free, and built for productivity, these gummies are your low-key, modern-day hustle hack.
Presented by CBDfx.
Consult a physician before consuming any new supplement. Any health claims made are solely those of the brand and not those of Uncrate LLC.
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Aroma360 The Monet Flowers
Picture preserved roses — tucked into a sleek round diffuser — that last up to five years while scenting your space. The Monet marries romantic design with cold-air fragrance delivery, capable of filling up to 500 sq ft with clean, chemical-free aroma via proprietary Pro-Pod™ oils. Running wirelessly on battery power, it arrives in luxe black or white packaging with metallic detailing. Enjoy an extra 15% off with code EXTRA15.
Presented by Aroma360.
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Skittles Giraffe
We always knew giraffes had to be good for something other than the trimming of tall shrubs and those terrific summer-weight fur coats. We kid.
Amazing Sword
If you only buy one sword this year, make it this one. Absolutely effortless 9-minute demonstration of the sword's awesome powers. Don't miss the meat boots.
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Collars & Co. Cotton and Cashmere Crew Neck Sweater
Collars & Co.'s Luxury Touch Crew Neck Sweater blends cotton and cashmere for a lightweight knit that's as breathable as it is soft. Cut for year-round wear, it delivers warmth without bulk, built-in UV protection, and natural odor resistance, making it as functional as it is refined. Finished in classic black — and other timeless shades — it's a versatile layer that moves seamlessly from work to weekend.
Presented by Collars & Co.
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Velocity Ford Bronco Blackout
Velocity's 1976 Ford Bronco Blackout pairs vintage attitude with modern muscle. Finished in Arabian Gray with blacked-out badging, bumpers, and a family-style roll cage, it makes an unmistakable first impression. Inside, upgraded leather and a Pioneer touchscreen with Apple CarPlay add comfort and tech, while a Gen III 5.0L Coyote V8 and 10-speed automatic deliver 460 horsepower. Wilwood brakes, coil spring suspension, and 17-inch Method Race Wheels complete a build that turns every drive into a statement.
Presented by Velocity.
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Quiznos Human Sandwich
Take that, Subway. You just got slapped in the face with all that Quiznos meat.
The Reality of Fantasy
The Titan's Chris Johnson gets proper treatment from the folks who own CJ2K in their fantasy football leagues. You do know you should be drafting Ray Rice this year instead, right?
ESPN's other fantasy commercials worth watching: Drafting Isn't Optional and Tuesdays Can Be Worse Than Mondays.
