Norman Tugwater, Fantasy Sports Attorney
At your draft this year, keep an eye out for Norman Tugwater (Gary Busey), the fantasy sports lawyer of Adrian Peterson. YOU MUST PAY! (Or face the spork.)
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Mentos Spider
The Brock Lesnar of Arachnids sends one brave gentleman to the ER.
Dickies 874 Work Pant
While you're sitting at your desk watching Invisible Monkeys, just remember that there are hardworking men out there, also wasting company time, trying to destroy a pair of khakis with a wrecking ball. Watch them all here.
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Nike React SFB Carbon Low Trail Shoes
Combining elements of tactical boots with training shoes, the Nike React SFB Carbon Low is built for outdoor pursuits. It's built with Flyplate technology that uses a full-length carbon fiber plate to optimize stride, support the Achilles, and protect from sharp rocks. Lightweight React foam provides cushioning and energy return, while the mesh upper has a durable fabric midfoot overlay, heavy-duty stow-away laces, and a solid rubber toe reinforcement. It all sits atop an outsole of hand and sticky rubbers with rubber teeth in the arch for added grip on challenging terrain.
Presented by Nike.
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Four Sigmatic Mushroom Coffee
There's a good chance that the modern world wouldn't be possible without the widespread use of coffee. The world's most popular stimulant has remained practically unchanged for millennia — and Four Sigmatic wants to change that. Four Sigmatic's mushroom coffee is made with a unique blend of caps, the most potent part of the mushroom. The result is a brew that does much more than just provide a perk, helping focus and mood throughout the day.
Presented by Four Sigmatic.
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Skittles Giraffe
We always knew giraffes had to be good for something other than the trimming of tall shrubs and those terrific summer-weight fur coats. We kid.
Amazing Sword
If you only buy one sword this year, make it this one. Absolutely effortless 9-minute demonstration of the sword's awesome powers. Don't miss the meat boots.
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Vindome
Stocks. Bonds. Cars. Precious metals. Real estate. There are lots of ways to invest your money. Vindome offers a new option: fine wine. The fastest-growing asset offering, it's also among the most sustainable, with the grape vines sequestering an impressive amount of carbon each year. In addition, the product is packaged in collectible glass bottles, and Vindome stores its wine close to the source, only delivering directly when needed, thereby greatly reducing emissions due to transport. Curated Wine Collections make it easy to build a balanced portfolio, while the Live Market features both bottlings and wine futures for more well-versed buyers.
Presented by Vindome.
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HP Smart Tank 5101 All-in-One Printer
While much of the world has gone paperless, there's still a place in every home for a printer, scanner, and copying machine. HP's Smart Tank 5101 All-in-One does all three. The eponymous tanks hold up to two years or 6,000 pages of ink, which is included in the box, and have a proprietary spill-free refill system. Self-healing WiFi provides a dependable connection for all devices via the HP app, enabling wireless scanning, copying, and printing, with the latter supporting borderless photos. Smart illuminating buttons make on-device use a breeze, and built-in HP Wolf Essential Security protects the printer from cyber threats. Available through May 4th for $80 off.
Presented by HP.
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Quiznos Human Sandwich
Take that, Subway. You just got slapped in the face with all that Quiznos meat.
The Reality of Fantasy
The Titan's Chris Johnson gets proper treatment from the folks who own CJ2K in their fantasy football leagues. You do know you should be drafting Ray Rice this year instead, right?
ESPN's other fantasy commercials worth watching: Drafting Isn't Optional and Tuesdays Can Be Worse Than Mondays.
